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STAR INFINITY

by Christopher Ma

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1.
loop2 surfin raichu 02:23
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chapter 2: star infinity
2.
Star Infinity 06:04
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oh it’s another day i wake up in the starlight i just can’t seem to make it out the door alone got nothing better than the dream i had i was walking an endless beach the sea before me i was walking all alone but it didn't hurt its something i remembered as a child that was sewn in my heart there's that empty home that i left behind and i suppose i blame myself the star is near i blame myself i blame you i'm passing over earth and its the same as always so many years ago since i forgot my dream stars raining down around and it feels like this is the moment that your whole life revolves around and it was clear that you wouldn't stay the way that you reminded me that time it hurts to think back when i was just a child i didn't know that this could ever happen i blame myself i blame myself i blame you i blame myself i blame myself i blame you i blame myself
3.
How Long? 04:18
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in the aisle to see i can show you im alright take more than you can carry you wake every single night and how long has it been since you were breathing this is what it takes til you're truly alright and how long has it been since you were living mmm about every time i've needed you i've needed i've needed i've found a way and i cannot be found again you break in a million different ways to your knees you lose track of every single passing day you've disintegrated you're bleeding mmm about every time i've needed you i've needed i've needed i've found a way and i cannot be found again
4.
loop3 INFINITY NEBULA 01:30
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[i've been on my last thought as i wake in the snow oh what will no place for me when you hold me in your arms i could've stayed for a minute oh my hands are not enough it is never]
5.
Surfing into the Endless Void 05:22
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those days are over time to let it go time to move on back and go home you need a minute look a final time he's still waving back in your mind and time coming back for you a reassurance you made a life and feared dying alone to lose it again would just shatter you and its too much but i wanna feel again so what shall i suffer? wait in the snow on my way home i stop when was the last noticed we're in the glow of the snow again i'm here in the snow on my own and i still can't feel a thing where i go how i try for you to wait now you've done it time to let it go time to crawl on back to your hole in time you'll forget it all oh fade to the billions ...star! star! star infinity!... as a child i stand 27 feet from the edge i shield my eyes when it gets too much but my ears keep ringing and there's nothing i can do to stop it's a slap in the face ever since i really saw your faults that i gotta stop blaming you for what i've become we're different now and we can make our own decisions and we can give up if we want i'm older now i've failed i repeated everything that i feared i went too far and now i fall from that ledge i slip out of time 'cause in this world there's no time for me no time for me no time for me no time for me no time for me no time for me
6.
Week 1 02:36
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i've been waking up every night with your song in the dark i can't turn it off it's been long but i don't mind anymore oh i lie alone that's alright i'm just waiting up on the other side oh i i just need your hand to give me the line had the dream again left awake and gasping awake now i can't lie anymore, anymore i could die and that's alright i'm just waiting up on the other side oh i i just need your hand to give me the line i'm still waiting up on the other side oh i i just need your hand to give me the line
7.
Closer 02:04
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two steps closer i can't even wait [you're the only one that's even close] you just smile that's the way it is [i can only stop can't make it now] three steps and i'm almost here [i'm not thinking anymore] pressed against the wall [perhaps it's not, perhaps it is oh] i can't open myself here [i'm almost there to escape] beads of sweat on your skin perforate [well where'd i come to] i've got everything that i need [i've got everything that i need] ah except whatever was in my head again [except again again] one step in my head where you are where you are but i drown my head all in the sand again again again [i drown everything you need tell me you're ok] closer closer
8.
On the Way Home (feat. Rowan Naidoo) 05:15
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nobody can reach me when they walk into the room all the things i keep from you i make no attempt to let anyone in so its clear when things go wrong then you sing to me all your feelings pouring out you sounded just like me weakness underneath you wished you could just leave this forever then gripping the railing 'cause i cant go on not another night's worth no but you sing will you let me be as fucked up as i am and i won't be afraid of nothing so sing for me and leave me so i walk into the room and they sing the words with me i played it such a good way tonight they say then back to the corner it doesn't change a thing doesn't make your life no better i'll say this is me shave my head again and again and i leave but they let me be myself and never see them again for real this time cleaning up on my own as everyone walks out sing for me no time no time no time no time
9.
Until the End (feat. Ethan Whittier) 05:43
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when the night comes near you come over again but i fear it the impending ring then you'll have to leave me here and i fear tell me how many days does it have to take before you walk away us alone should take the train just like i wrote grace leaving home it could be just like the movies if you stay for no one else if we can make it last until the end if we can make it last until the end i can see there's a place above the trees you don't know looking out through the shades it's another sunny day yet i fear it tell me how many days does it have to take until we can escape our lives you had a taste and now it's harder where is the time when the seconds turn to hours tell me give us a line and we can make it last until the end i need you now i need you now tell me okay i need you now i need you now tell me i'm safe if i close my eyes we're together once again like the first time with the leaves coming down i reach out, and there you are in the water waiting tell me now will you really live without this feeling but the empty space only dark skies remain at the ending listen i'm coming up i'm coming up i got it i'm coming up i'm coming up i'm coming out i need you now i need you now i need you here i need you now i need you now i need you here tell me how many days does it have to take until we can escape our lives we had a taste and now it's harder where is the time when the seconds turn to hours tell me give us a line [i need you now i need you now tell me it's okay i need you now i need you now tell me we're safe] and we can make it last until the end and we can make it last until the end tell me how many days does it have to take until we can escape our lives we had a taste and now it's harder where is the time when the seconds turn to hours tell me give us a line and we can make it last until the end
10.
Completely Forgotten Star 03:43
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nobody remembers me in time wandering the city alone i disappear into a crowd into the city a tiny room where my body rots for weeks without a sound without a single soul looking for me oh you fantasize about your end every day after every failed interaction lie on the pavement eyes glazing over voice hoarse forgetting reality and dreams in the lands between travelling travelling actually can't move nothing i say matters it's all a joke in the passenger seat strapped down and sinking into grey in a daze in and out of consciousness fading fading on a mountainside sheep stare at the setting sun the farmer holds his ear to the dirt and listens for the soft rumble of an ancient power the earth dies mountains crumble and all is still in the coming night
11.
Alex's Room 01:27
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everything breaks as they chase us out of the house and we're crazy laughing running laughing hand in hand this boy this boy makes me more than myself it's just us in his car in his room cuz when alex comes takes me in his arms and makes me feel good what could i say we take our past lives and throw them away we throw them away
12.
1day (feat. Karen Del Rosario) 03:08
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like i feel it now walking backwards walking on backwards like i feel it now like i missed some walking on back like i need it you caught my mind and you cry cry on for a thousand times like i need it's not about me in this century one day i'll be better than me just watch me just watch me one day i'll be better than me just watch me just watch me so ask me one more time when is the last time when is the last for us one day i'll be better than me
13.
When We Lose We'll Be Fine 04:13
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in the morning i am waking he is waking sun is coming up and it hits me every time as he leaves me as i'm standing door is closing and we're broken up i am losing my whole life nobody ever said it's easy i can feel it burn and i have stumbled my whole life nobody good can make it easy i can feel it turn 'cause when we lose we will be fine so it's changing i am changing in the doorway i am lucid now i can take it for my life then i'm walking and i'm walking down the driveway to the city now i will take it every time i'll get everything that i could ever ask for and i'll see it on my own darling i don't need anything and i don't need anyone else to tell me what to do nobody said it would be easy i can feel it burn and i have stumbled all my life nobody good can make it easy i can feel it turn 'cause when we lose we will be fine no one said it would be easy i can feel it burn and i have stumbled all my life nobody good can make it easy i can feel it turn 'cause when we lose we will be fine alright, one two one two take it easy i couldn't slow so i can only try to make it easier the last one so i could make it make it make it make it always staying -mumbling- nobody said it would be easy i can feel it burn and i have stumbled all my life nobody good can make it easy i can feel it turn 'cause when we lose we will be fine
14.
Alex 03:08
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everyone breaks when we ran laughing from the house and we hopped in the back of the car my mama told me i'd be wasting my life on you but what did i say? i said i'd do mine your eyes say it all oh another morning til you return on in with the hot desert wind on your back this boy this boy got it all won't pretend i didn't fuck it up threw it away this boy this boy could've won if he never loved a boy like me threw it away threw it away i held my face to the stars and prayed for your life as you lay in our blood breathing out on me i laid you deep in the sand and the stars just laughed said you get nothing in the cold only needed nothing but to get you to laugh another time and i'm goin nowhere and did i ever see a single thing when through it all you tried your best this boy this boy had it all won't pretend i didn't fuck it up no time for me no time for me no time for me i blame myself
15.
Time Under Me 05:03
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time unearthed under me flows the stream and up through the clouds there's a place that i go it glows burning white burning red sacrifice and time yeah but its over now again like i was afraid like i was time left earth i cant tell anymore honourless i was there you can feel it but i swear it is - always- churning and its seething and its there but its not and its over now again like i knew how you shook from me little pieces of your dream like i wish again always always always time you left me there on the edge you left i can see when you lost your face unless yes and its over like i thought any old time you leave your pieces to find like i was i find like i was youll find
16.
Floating in Guitar (feat. AGEKK) 02:28
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and you got nothing better to do so why not sit back and enjoy the view a hundred stories up from the concrete above the rising pain stay stay passing the time as we lay daylight fades into grey the rain was coming but we couldn't run waiting 'til we were silent and we'd had enough the stars were falling yesterday we stay we stay our dreams float away (do i still think of you?) i do i do i do
17.
fallingstar 02:43
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18.
I Cried to the Sky For Nothing 06:12
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what makes me the same as you it is the way we meet our end it's not the way when i look at the sky i see an empty thing and you see possibility i think possibility i think possibility i think i looked to the sky and cried out for nothing for nothing i looked to the sky and cried out for nothing for nothing i tried looking through the glass but it closed on me and tasting the waters of the mountain stream and walking in the valley of the dead i couldn't do it in the end moving with the passengers the sirens going distant until there is nothing left but this emptiness i lost myself today the shadows already fading from my vision green means nothing to me and i am so sorry that i failed you again buckling under the pressure falling to the broken glass gums torn and bleeding half awake sinking lower and lower and lower still breathing still waking still until it stops one two three four one two three four go i tried i tried everything but nothing nothing seems to work for me nothing nothing nothing nothing i tried i tried i tried i tried i tried i tried i tried
19.
july 1st downsview park - interlude 00:23
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20.
Last Song For the Dying Universe 01:52
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of course how could i not forgive you for everything you said to me i still go outside and wish i laid myself down to see you again no i don't wanna blame you anymore i leave it all what happened next you did it in the moment and i knew i'd do the same i blame myself i blame myself i blame myself you put it all on my head til i crumble into nothing just like that you won't wait for me if if you had a moment if you had a second if you could give anything i swear to you i blame myself i blame myself

about

December 2021 - March 2023

all the loneliness i could find
a thousand stars falling
confronting my faults
returning to that field

around the world we saw that same falling star
and we passed through time
to the end of the universe
standing at the gate
we stare into nothing
and remember our home

Christopher Ma’s 11th album STAR INFINITY is about being alive on our lonely planet - being human, suffering, failing, giving up. Looking into space, dreaming, and carrying on with our lives. Almost every song’s lyrics describe someone on the edge of despair, desperate and full of self-loathing, often clinging to their past or to another person to get by. They struggle to accept their own mistakes and failures - the lyric ‘I blame myself’ appears on multiple tracks. And yet, there is a subtle hopefulness beneath that perhaps suggests that life is still worth it.

STAR INFINITY’s 20 tracks are mainly an homage to ‘90’s-‘00’s alternative rock with tinges of midwest emo, drum-n-bass, classic rock, folk rock, and country dispersed throughout. The album is markedly denser and more layered than its predecessor Moon Phases; taking a relatively maximalist approach, songs often take sharp turns into unexpected territories, with thick walls of heavy guitars and drums, and vocals that utilize effects more than on past albums. Computer-based effects are used freely as well as, for the first time, electronic drum sounds and midi samples that add a hyperpop element to the occasional track.

Huge thank you to Juliette, Abby, Zach and his family, Age, Rowan, Ethan, Stephen, Binda, Caitlin, Angela, Melvin, Arianna, Manuel, and Daniel.

credits

released May 26, 2023

All songs written, performed, produced, mixed, mastered by Christopher Ma except: [8] drums recorded and engineered by Rowan Naidoo; [16] vocal and lyrics by AGEKK and Christopher Ma, [19] recorded by Karen Del Rosario

Art by Juliette Vermeersch

Karen Del Rosario - lead vocals [12], vocals [3,9,20], piano solo [12], field recording [19]
Stephen Farquhar - electric guitar solo [10]
Caitlin Ma - vocals [8,14], upright piano [8]
Manuel Muñoz - electric bass [6], electric guitar loop [4], pop [12]
Dr. Rowan Naidoo - drum set [8]
Zachary Osborn - voice recording [5]
Arianna Suwarno - vocals [3]
Melvin Suwarno - vocals [3]
Angela Tran - vocals [3]
AGEKK - lead vocals [16]
Juliette Vermeersch - introduction [1]
Ethan Whittier - storytime [5], lead and backing vocals [9], vocals [18,20]
Christopher Ma - vocals, guitars, 4- and 5-string electric bass, drums, percussion, synthesizers, 4-string banjo, euphonium, upright piano, harmonica, midi stuff, trumpet, synth bass

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Christopher Ma Toronto, Ontario

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